I'm not doing the NFE this year (this is not a fun post to post)

[marmota_b]

No news on that front so far, but even if it happens, I'm not doing it. I just don't have the mental capacity for it.

The last thing I need right now is a) another project that takes precedence because of external factors (= deadline); b) being at  the mercy of external factors in yet another thing (= someone else's prompts).

I just know I could not do it justice this time around. I'd much rather leave it at the high of last year for now, and work on my own neglected stories.

I've stopped managing to process everything that happens. About two weeks ago I suddenly stopped short with the shocked realisation that the attack on the US Capitol was this year. In conversation with my sister today, we hit upon a couple more things that were this year.

I had a different version of this post written up. Before I got around to actually posting it, there's a brand new bad thing to process, rendering most of my ponderings from earlier today kind of moot (still true, but the whole attitude has shifted). That's a third upheaval in the space of one week. And that's just because I don't count the little ones like "oh, there's someone coming in two weeks to check the gas and I'm not sure there will be anyone at home so maybe we'll have to call in beforehand. Bother."

There was a tornado a week ago. In Czechia. In South Moravia. Not anywhere near where I live, but exactly in the area I have just recently deduced figures in some of my most crucial early memories that are a bit of a touchstone for me.

The very thing I was recently drawing on to maintain some semblance of order and mental stability in my life is now the scene of one of the most devastating tragedies in my country in decades.

I just can't.

So I'm not doing the NFE. It would probably be disastrous for my mental health, and I would not write anything good.

Comments

[edenfalling]

*hugs*

[marmota_b]

Thanks.